Anguish
by klutzysunshine
Summary: Future fic. Grant and Jemma (with the help of Skye and Fitz) lean on each other for support in order to deal with their traumas.


**I don't own Agents of SHIELD nor will I ever. No copyright infringement intended.**

 **Warnings** : Mentions of past abuse and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

* * *

Unable to sleep due to the nightmares plaguing him, Grant kissed a worried Skye and got out of the bed to head to the kitchen but ran into Jemma first in the common room. Her whole body shaking, she just stood there staring off into space. "Jemma?" he worriedly asked her. When she didn't respond, he slowly walked over to her so he wouldn't startle her and called her name again but Jemma didn't respond. Then she held up her shaking hand with her knife - the one she refused to part with - poised to do damage. "Jemma, it's okay. You're safe," Grant assured her.

Jemma shook her head. "There's something out there. I can hear it howling."

"There's nothing there. You're back at the Playground and nothing's going to get you, Simmons. We won't let anything happen to you." When Skye and Fitz had finally gotten through to him and he returned to the Playground even more of a broken mess than before, Grant had been shocked to find Jemma so traumatized after her experience on the alien planet. Despite his own numerous problems and traumatic experiences, he had immediately decided he'd do his best to help her.

She shuddered. "You're lying." Jemma needed to be on guard at all times and no one seemed to understand why. What if something attacked them? She had to be able to protect them.

"I'm not. I promise that you're safe and that nothing's going to hurt you. Can you put the knife down?" he pleaded, suddenly worried that this was about to spin out of control. This wasn't the first time anybody discovered her wandering the Playground but the outcome varied each time.

Jemma didn't - and couldn't - believe him. "You could hurt me," she pointed out even as she recognized that Grant had been on the road to recovery himself for quite some time.

Grant quashed the hurt that rose up within him because he knew she didn't mean it and she was more important right now. "Look around you, Jemma. What do you see?"

She gripped the knife tightly but listened to him and her eyes darted around the room. "A TV and the couch." But what if she was hallucinating again? Jemma couldn't trust herself.

"That's right. Home. Just put the knife away and then you can go back to bed." Her restless nights tended to mean she was irritable the next day but nobody minded all that much.

Jemma shuddered again but lowered her hand and slid the knife into her pocket. "I'm okay?"

"You're okay," Grant confirmed. He smiled at her. "Can I hug you?" When she bobbed her head, he gently pulled her in for a hug and kissed the top of her head.

That was how Fitz found them less than five minutes later. "Jemma, are you okay? Ward, what happened?" he demanded.

"She's fine now. I just found her staring into nothing with the knife in her hand but I talked her down," Grant explained. He pulled away from Jemma and she dove towards Fitz, burrowing herself in his chest.

Fitz started rocking her back and forth a little as she began to sob. "Thanks," he murmured to Grant.

Grant shrugged. "You don't have to thank me but you're welcome." He flinched as his own trauma started to echo in his head again (Jemma temporarily distracted him but not long enough) and bolted towards the kitchen.

This wasn't the first nor the last time Grant and Jemma would comfort each other in distressing moments.

* * *

Bored because the team's latest case had just wrapped up and there was nothing to do, Jemma decided to go back to her and Fitz's room to nap. She immediately noticed Skye and Grant's bedroom door was open but thought nothing of it until she went to go by it and heard him whimpering. Nightmares were frequent to him, something that embarrassed Grant deeply even though he had no reason to. The whole team tended to rally around them both when they needed help and comfort, something Grant had a hard time accepting after a lifetime of trauma. Since Skye, Jemma, and Fitz were his favorites (a fact no one disputed), he didn't resist their efforts as much. When he started muttering about Christian, an indecisive Jemma decided to wake him up (which sometimes ended badly but she was willing to take the chance). "Grant?" she whispered but nothing. He continued to whimper. So she gingerly shook him.

When his eyes opened, they widened as he stared at her in fear. "Please leave Thomas alone, Christian. He didn't do anything!"

Jemma bit her lip as tears sprang to her eyes. "Grant, you're awake. You were just having a nightmare," she tried to soothe.

Recognition flooded his eyes and he shook himself for a second. "I'm fine! I don't even remember what I was dreaming about." He hoped she didn't call him out on his lie.

No such luck. "Ward - Grant - you don't have to lie to me. Let us help you like you've helped me. There's no shame in needing it," she reminded him.

It was hard to break a lifetime of habits and never leaning on anybody - Andrew assured him that he couldn't change everything about himself immediately - and Grant had to remind himself that these people - his family - loved him even when the lingering resentment popped up again. "I know," he muttered under his breath.

Jemma sighed. "Do you want to tell me what it was? Or do you want me to get Andrew?"

After the last time he got through to her, Grant knew he should be honest with her. "It was the well again. Christian actually convinced me it was my idea to leave Tommy in there but he did it. I wanted to protect him but as always, I fucked it up."

"You were a scared little boy who had no options because nobody stepped up to get you out of that hell," she reminded him. He needed to stop blaming himself for literally everything that went wrong.

"I keep expecting Garrett to pop out of nowhere and beat me for a perceived fuck up," he admitted after a moment of silence.

Jemma gasped at his confession. "Oh, Grant. Remember what you tell me all the time? The same goes for you. You're safe here - with people who love you - and nobody's going to hurt you. Unless we're on a mission because you keep getting hurt and need us to patch you up."

Grant chuckled at her attempt at a joke. "Thanks, Jemma."

"You're welcome. But I mean it - stop this recklessness."

"It's ingrained in me at this point but I promise I'll try." He didn't want to upset the team (he still walked on eggshells around a few of him) which is why he chose to keep some things to himself.

"That's all I ask." Jemma yawned. "Now I'm going to nap. Wake me for dinner."

"Will do."

Jemma's sleep wasn't exactly peaceful either and she sought comfort in her family as soon as she woke up.

* * *

Jemma curled up into a ball against as the tears continued to pour down her face. "I need to go back," she wailed to them.

"You don't. Jemma, you aren't going anywhere because there's nothing to go back to. Please stop crying," Skye begged as she struggled not to cry herself.

"Do you want to get out of here for the day? We can do anything you want," Fitz tried as worry for her health and safety started to overwhelm again. He didn't mind being the shoulder she cried on nor did he care that her PTSD often struck at inopportune moments (field ops no longer happened but they were both fine with that) because he loved her. He'd be there with her through thick and thin.

She opposed the idea and let them both know it loudly. "You can't make me do anything!" she cried.

"Nobody's making you do anything, Jemma. I'm sure we can find a movie for us to watch." Dealing daily with the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder that affected both Grant and Jemma took a toll on all of them - especially Skye - but none of them were willing to give up. Andrew's guidance was very much appreciated on days like this.

Jemma practically vibrated as anxiety overwhelmed her. "Watching a film sounds like a wonderful idea," she reluctantly admitted.

Grant appeared out of nowhere and squatted down next to them. "You can even pick the movie we watch and nobody will complain." Then he "thought" about it for a second and grinned at her. "Much," he amended.

She giggled. "Just for that, I'll make sure to pick a movie everyone hates."

He sighed dramatically. "Fine."

Jemma stood up and gingerly smiled at Fitz. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jemma. Now go pick a movie everyone's going to complain about."

And that's exactly what she did.

* * *

Skye missed her fiance and decided to go looking for him after returning from a mission with the Secret Warriors. She found Grant hanging out at the bar, looking down at the counter. "Hey you!"

He looked up at her and scowled. "Nice of you to meet me here!" he snapped.

She held up her hands and winced when the room shook a little. "Whoa, time out! What's going on?"

"Nothing. You're too busy to care anyway."

"Grant Douglas, stop right there before we start fighting. What happened while I was gone?" She made Coulson and Fitz promise to keep an eye on him while she was gone (he had had successive bad days lately, which worried her) but clearly they missed something.

Grant glared at her. "Nothing happened. I'm just plain old me, the man who never stops fucking up and nobody loves."

The room trembled again. "Now I know you're not right. I'm marrying you, doofus. Of course I love you. And yes, you've made some pretty big mistakes but you're trying to make up for them. Do I need to kick anyone's ass? Tell me and I'll do it. I'll protect your honor," she seriously told him.

Just as Skye intended, he laughed but it was a little bitter. "Thanks, baby." He took another sip of his drink and decided to come clean. "Bobbi's back and we exchanged some words. Well, that's not quite true. Everyone watched as she tore into me for being a spineless hypocritical traitor."

She needed to confront Bobbi - not everyone had forgiven Grant and of course, they didn't need to - about this. Even Lance and May were trying with him. "Did anyone defend you or did they just stand there and silently agree?"

"May told her to back down and Fitz pointed out that I'm trying to redeem myself. But I don't think I can, Skye. I'm a monster." Grant hated himself most days and couldn't understand why Skye (and the others) gave him a second chance.

"We've talked about this before -you're not a monster. Yes, you've done bad things and hurt people and nothing excuses that but you're a good man. I hope your parents, Christian, and Garrett are rolling in hell," she angrily told him. "And just remember that you aren't to blame for what they did to it. Their abusive behavior is on them and you are not at fault for it."

He sighed as her encouragement finally got through to him. "I'm sorry for yelling at you, Skye."

"I know you are. I forgive you. Now why don't we go to our room and celebrate my return?"

"Love you," Grant told Skye as he stood up, kissed her, and then led her to their bedroom.

* * *

Jemma dug her heels in as she refused to step foot out into the field. She was doing a lot better - her PTSD was more manageable now, which is why she chose to go on this mission in the first place - but she was experiencing some anxiety about it because the terrain reminded her of the alien hell she lived in for six months (it still felt longer than that). "I can't do this."

"It's okay - go back to Zephyr One and Fitz and Bobbi will take over from here. You don't have to stay," Mack assured her.

She looked up at him and shivered. "I do have to stay. I can check out any time I want but I can't ever leave." Jemma laughed hysterically and failed to notice the worried looks the team exchanged.

"Why is she quoting _Hotel California_?" Mack understood but it seemed like a random choice.

"Don't ask me." Jemma, you can hang out in the lab and do the tests from here. There's nothing wrong with that." Bobbi grinned at her as the sky started to darken in anticipation of the impending thunderstorm. They needed to get out there now before rain washed away the evidence.

"I need to do my job, Barbara."

"Oh, full naming me. I don't deserve this," Bobbi playfully sulked.

"Jemma, can you tell us what you're seeing?" Grant tried. As much as he hated to admit it, talking through his pain did help and he felt better afterwards.

"We really need to hurry," Skye murmured as she looked up at the sky again and lightning flashed.

"There were so many storms. I didn't think I was going to make it but I did." She was starting to check out again (an annoying and worrying habit she shared with Grant) and none of them unfortunately had the time for it right now.

"Jemma, you're back on Earth. Storms can't hurt you." Well, they could but Fitz wasn't about to remind her of that.

The blank look disappeared almost as fast as it appeared. "Let's go! We don't have time to waste." And then Jemma ran across the field, the others chasing after her.

They all got poured on but at least they got the evidence they needed first.

* * *

Grant paced back and forth as he tried to calm himself down. He couldn't wait to marry Skye - thankful today was a good (great, actually) day but he was still panicking a little. "You're giving us all a headache, man. Sit down on the couch and calm yourself," Mack ordered.

"I'm marrying the love of my life, Mack! You calm down!" he snapped.

Fitz snorted. "It doesn't work that way, Ward."

The door opened and Jemma stepped in, wearing the blue bridesmaids dress she loved immediately. "Skye sent me in so I could stop your impending meltdown," she explained to the men in the room. But first she made a quick pit stop to the couch so she could sit on Fitz's lap. "This is going to be us someday."

"I look forward to it. Are you also maybe looking forward to having a quickie in one of the numerous closets later?" he tried hopefully.

"Fitz! There's people here. But yes," she answered. After giving him a quick kiss, Jemma returned to Grant's side and grabbed his hand (after asking him if it was okay - he still had issues with people touching him) before proceeding to squeeze it. "We've both been through hell and back, Grant Douglas Ward. But we've made it this far and you're marrying the woman you love. You are strong as fuck - and so am I, don't ever forget it - and you'll live a long, happy life with Skye."

"Thanks, Jemma. That did help. I really appreciate everything you've done for me these past few years."

"Thank you, Grant. I remember what you've done for me too. Leaning on each other for support is important. Now go marry Skye and fuck on every available surface," she ordered before departing.

An amused Grant shook his head. "You're a lucky man, Fitz."

"I know," he replied.

And when Coulson walked Skye down the aisle, Grant's breath caught in his throat. Skye was his first love - his soul mate - and he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life making sure she knew how much he adored everything about her. Opening that van door had been one of the most life-changing moments of his life and he'd never forget it. And as Skye whispered a secret in his ear at the reception later, Grant reflected on how lucky he was that she had forgiven him and chosen to give him a second chance.

Grant and Jemma had been through some pretty traumatic shit and it'd never stop plaguing them but they had learned that leaning on others wasn't a weakness. And as long as they could support each other when memories overwhelmed them, they'd be able to get through it. Their experiences and pasts didn't define either of them.


End file.
